You’re probably average at most things. Average looking, average intelligence, average income, average relationships. Statistically, that’s completely normal. Psychologically, it feels like devastating failure. Modern society has made being normal feel like losing at life.
Ever feel like you’re failing at life even though you’re doing reasonably well? You have a decent job, okay relationships, and manage your responsibilities, but it still feels like you’re somehow losing. That’s because modern society has made being normal feel like personal failure.
Here’s why average has become psychologically unbearable—and why that’s a problem.
The Excellence Epidemic
Society has created an “excellence epidemic” where anything less than exceptional feels like worthlessness.
Social media feeds you everyone else’s highlight reels while hiding their ordinary moments. You compare your average Tuesday to their peak achievements, making normal life feel like underachievement.
Hustle culture has made rest and contentment seem like laziness. Taking satisfaction in decent achievements gets labeled as “settling.” The message is clear: if you’re not constantly improving, you’re declining.
Your brain, designed for small tribal comparisons, now competes against billions of people through global media. You’re no longer the smartest in your village—you’re average compared to everyone on Earth, which feels devastating.
The Statistical Reality We Ignore
Everyone can’t be above average, but everyone believes they should be, creating mass psychological distress about mathematical impossibility.
Most people believe they’re above average in most areas. When reality conflicts with these beliefs, the cognitive dissonance creates anxiety and feelings of fraudulence. You feel like you’re failing when you’re actually performing normally.
Excellence is by definition rare. If everyone achieved it, it wouldn’t be excellent—it would be average. But cultural messaging treats excellence as minimum standard rather than exceptional achievement.
You only see other people’s visible successes while experiencing your own behind-the-scenes struggles. Everyone appears to be effortlessly excelling while you know how hard you work for ordinary results.
How Childhood Programming Set You Up
Modern childhood creates adults who can’t psychologically tolerate being average at anything.
The “you can be anything” messaging sets impossible expectations. Children are told they can become astronauts or celebrities without acknowledgment that these paths require exceptional talent and luck that most people don’t have.
Grade inflation creates adults who expect recognition for ordinary effort. When the real world provides feedback proportional to actual performance, the adjustment is brutal. Average work gets average results, which feels like punishment.
Overscheduled childhoods focused on achievement create adults who can’t find meaning in ordinary experiences. If you weren’t constantly pursuing excellence as a child, ordinary adult life feels empty.
The Identity Crisis
When society makes excellence mandatory for self-worth, average people face constant identity crises.
Your entire identity gets organized around the few areas where you might be above average while ignoring areas where you’re normal. This creates fragmented self-concept built on performance rather than integrated human worth.
Impostor syndrome develops because you know you’re not actually exceptional despite pressure to appear so. You feel like you’re fraudulently representing yourself as more competent than you really are.
Your mood depends on whether you’re winning imaginary competitions rather than whether you’re content with your actual life. Average becomes associated with failure rather than normal human experience.
The Perfectionism Trap
Fear of being average creates perfectionism that prevents you from trying things you might enjoy.
All-or-nothing thinking makes you avoid activities where you might perform averagely. If you can’t be excellent, why try? This eliminates potential sources of satisfaction and growth from your life.
Fear of mediocre results prevents you from starting projects or taking risks that could improve your life. Better to not try than confirm your averageness through actual performance.
Procrastination becomes protection against average performance. If you don’t give full effort, you can maintain the illusion that you could have been excellent if you’d really tried.
Finding Peace with Normal
**Embrace statistical reality:** Most people are average at most things. This is not only normal but necessary for society to function.
**Redefine success:** Excellence in one or two areas while being average in others is a perfectly good life strategy. You don’t need to be exceptional at everything.
**Focus on absolute rather than relative progress:** Are you growing, learning, and contributing? That matters more than ranking compared to others.
**Find meaning in the ordinary:** Happiness often comes from appreciating simple pleasures, good relationships, and daily contentment rather than exceptional achievements.
**Choose your competitions wisely:** You can’t win every race. Decide what’s worth competing for and what’s worth just enjoying at an average level.
The Average Advantage
Being average in most areas actually has benefits:
**Less pressure:** You can enjoy activities without the stress of maintaining excellence.
**More balance:** Energy isn’t consumed by perfectionism in areas that don’t require it.
**Realistic expectations:** You can set achievable goals and feel satisfied when you meet them.
**Better relationships:** People relate better to others who aren’t trying to be perfect at everything.
The Permission to Be Normal
Modern society needs to give people permission to be normal again. Average intelligence, average looks, average income, and average achievements describe most people—and that’s perfectly fine.
Your worth as a human being isn’t determined by how you rank compared to others. You can live a meaningful, satisfying life while being thoroughly average at most things.
What About You?
Where has the fear of being average held you back from trying things? What would change if you gave yourself permission to be normal at some things?
Remember: Being average is not failing. It’s being human. Excellence in what truly matters to you, combined with contentment in being normal elsewhere, might be the most balanced approach to a satisfying life.